Have you ever felt indifferent toward your own existence? Have you ever felt utterly alone in a crowded place? Have you ever been afraid of being discarded because you are no longer of use? For most people these are fleeting feelings, but for others these feelings create his or her sense of life. Rei seems to be the later.

At first, she appears to be cold and emotionless. For the most part, she behaves indifferently in situations where strong emotion would be expected, such as the scene where Shinji comes to her apartment or when Asuka slaps her. Only Professor Ikari seems to evoke any emotion from the would be ice princess, although later she responds to Shinji as well. Even the possibility of death doesn't seem to disturb her (though there is a reason for this). She simply accepts her duty as an Eva pilot, a dangerous job by any standards, without question.

It isn't that Rei is emotionless. There are several moments when she expresses rather clear emotions, although they are very rare. Emotions are responses of the self, and as a doll, she is not supposed to have a self. Although she is not a doll (as she later states), she puts on the mask of one for the sake of the one she values most.

No matter where Ayanami is, she always stands off a bit from everyone else. While it could be that she simply doesn't want to be close to people, it is far more probable to say that she either doesn't know how or is too afraid to try. It would be quite convenient to credit her problem to low self-esteem, but it is more a lack (or denial) of self that creates Rei's particular inability (unwillingness) to interact with others.

Because Ayanami doesn't consider her life an end in itself, she most fears no longer being of use to Professor Ikari. She knows that once she is no longer needed, she will be discarded and abandoned. Her primary need than is to be useful to someone else, and not seeking her own desires. Like so many others, she measures her value on the basis of how another values her, as opposed to her own judgement. The reason for this is her denial of an ego, which is something one must have in order to make value judgements.

Her sense of life (or her way of viewing herself and the world) is wrought with pain and fear. It's hardly surprising that she is willing to be a sacrifice for most of the series when she seems to think that she cannot possibly be anything more.

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